Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Buying Exotic Lingerie for your Girlfriend

Buying exotic lingerie for you girlfriend is a risk as it isn't just like all other lingerie. When you are buying exotic lingerie for your girlfriend you need to keep a number of things in mind so it will be a success and she won't want to return it or refuse to wear it.

The first thing is to remember is the thing that attracts many men to exotic lingerie is exactly why many women don't care for it. Right off of the bat it seems that there is a high degree of conflict when it comes to this very unique and sexy style of lingerie. Let's start with some basic descriptions, definitions or simply ideas to get us started. The term lingerie covers an enormous amount of ground although most of the men and women who don't buy sexy underwear on a regular basis don't know and really have no good reason to care. One analogy is that of a motorcycle that the insiders know is a great line, awesome racing pedigree and most men and virtually all women don't know that and again really have no reason to care much. That same reality or conflict exists in the lingerie world.

Lingerie is everything women wear under their clothing to begin with as bras, panties , shapers, camisoles and the like all can be described as lingerie. The sub categories stem from there and they are often just a term that is used by insiders, lingerie manufacturers and retailers and few others. That is not to say that there aren't a good number of women and even some men who are much more knowledgable about the subject but again most simply don't even care. Lingerie is worn by women for a relatively short period of their lives, from somewhere in the range of 16 to 18 or older all the way to perhaps 60 years old and this is an estimate as some women well wear it much later than that while others stopped wearing the garments much sooner.

Lingerie is associatd with sex, romance and the like and thus the reason for young girls and older women shunning or being shunned away from the idea of wearing such a garment. Lingerie is rather odd in that it is one of the few garments that young girls should not wear as what reason on earth would an 11 year old girl be doing wearing sexy lingerie or a 70 year old woman? I don't condone the 11 year old girl wearing any sexy lingerie as it suggests strongly that sexual activity is present and that is obviously inappropriate. The 70 year old woman is quite another matter and if she wants to wear it all the more power to her for doing so. Our society has many of these "unwritten rules" that most of us follow just because it seems like the right thing to do and who is to argue that societal norms should not be adhered to?

Now did you notice I slipped a ringer in there as I was saying why would an 11 year old girl be wearing "sexy lingerie"? Sexy lingerie is a sub section of lingerie as you likely know. Sexy lingerie by its mere title suggests that not all lingerie is not sexy and that is a fact. But who makes that decision? Well, you the consumer does ultimately, although the industry tries to establish some very, very loose guidelines. Remember I said loose as there is no guide, text, or anything else that says this is sexy and this is not.

So where does exotic lingerie fit into the picture? First the definition of exotic will give us some guidance as it means unusual, one of a kind and that is what makes it so popular and risky at the same time. Many women, not all, do not relish the idea of wearing anything that shows off their most intimate parts and that is particulary true of any flaws, real or perceived, and therein lies the rub. Exotic lingerie can and usually is skimpy, suggestive, less rather than more and it reveals a woman's bust, hips, butt, stomach and so on. Thus it isn't for every woman but there again you can see why it is so much in demand at least by some women and the men who love see them in almost their all together.

So all you have to do is go into a boutique, sex shop, lingerie department and ask for exotic lingerie? No, not quite as first of all many lingerie retailers don't even carry the stuff. It can be an issue of how is it to be displayed? Or we don't want to attract that kind of crowd! So it is often limited to sexy lingerie boutiques, online sites and porn stores that carry xxx tapes and a smattering of the really sexy stuff.

So what do you do when you do find it, you buy it and your girl or wife won't wear it or only wears it that one time and then it is sentenced to life in her panty drawer never to be worn again? The solution to this problem is either solved before you buy it or shortly thereafter or forget about it. Remember I said that many women and that may include the gorgeous creature in your life who won't wear it or will only wear it once and then wants to return it to get her or your money back. Keep in mind that due to the nature of this type of lingerie in particular it may be impossible to return it due to the packaging or what body parts it touches intimately. So what is a guy to do when he encounters this dilemna?

How do you sell ice to the eskimos? The likely answer is you don't as they aren't that stupid. But how do you get a woman to wear something that may show off her unsexiest parts? Most women have body image issues, some minimal and some rather significant. So you want her to ignore years of fears, concerns and down right emotional problems when it comes to her body and show off all of her deeply hidden issues concerning her stomach, thighs, butt and the like? Not likely!

Here are a couple of ideas but keep in mind that much work has to be done before you buy her anything. I don't suggest that there is any magic fix to some of these issues. First you must establish a real, demonstrable sense of trust in your relationship. She must trust you aren't going to ridicule her, laugh at her, call her silly for her thoughts or the like. This could take days, weeks, months or years. If it isn't worth the effort then either buy her jewelry, candy, flowers, shoes or any number of other items. Lingerie is a great couples gift but it does come with some baggage. Buy her some safe or safer lingerie items like a chemise, corset , camisole set or many other items that aren't nearly as sexy but are cute, and make her look awesome.

Keep her in mind when buying sexy lingerie as she not you has to wear it and if she doesn't like the way she looks, regardless of what you say, she simply won't wear it or she won't wear it often. Consider her feelings when she walks in front of you and she feels fat, unsexy, hideous and that is not to say she looks like any of these descriptions but the issue is does she think she does? Encouraging words at a time like this are essential but may not do much so don't be surprised. Of course a woman wants to be told "you look great", "you look hot" or simply "wow". Of course you must offer her encouragement, praise and it helps if you actually mean it but it may simply not be enough as it is very, very difficult for most women to wear things they think make them look ridiculous.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Can Fat Women Be Sexy and Desirable?

I asked the question, can fat women be sexy and desirable, and this is after much thought about the subject knowing that the answer is certainly yes. Can fat women be sexy and desirable? After wanting to write about this subject, skirting around it and seeing so much energy expended on the issue I really want to know or is it out of the question? No, I did not ask if plus size women can be sexy or can overweight women be sexy? Why, because in general conversation people use the term fat because that is just how they talk. No, it is not politically correct nor is it sensitive to the feelings of those women who are overweight, or plus size or whatever word may be used at the time. But the term "fat" is the word usage that gets right to the point and it is somewhat politically charged, isn't it? It isn't as politically correct as plus size, overweight, chubby or even chunky. On the other hand it doesn't carry the sting of the words obese or meaty, beefy big and bouncy. But still, can they be sexy? Can they arouse a man's animal instincts? Does being fat prevent them from being as sexy and sexual as they want to be? Well, the answer is maybe? If it is true you have to love yourself before you can be loved then considering yourself fat is definitely a limiting factor.

Can fat women be sexy? Clothed, naked, in a swimsuit or in their bra and panties ? Do they think they can be sexy or do they have to be asked a second question like do they think a fat woman can be sexy or does society think a fat woman can be sexy? I think you will find women of all sized give a different answer and that is the problem. Society answers the question, no! Do lingerie manufacturers think fat women can be sexy? The answer today is a little different than it was just a few years ago so perhaps the atmosphere is changing for the better but in many ways, not really.

What does it matter what society thinks, anyway? Is being fat like being black or brown. Years of institutional racism mean that society can change but how long does it take? Also does the idea of fat women and their sexiness just go underground and become much more subtle? Subtle or not the idea of a fat woman being or not being able to be sexy sounds preposterous, doesn't it. Of course they can! Shout it out now! Fat women can be sexy! But does anyone believe it and if so, who?

As I was doing my research on the subject I first looked to my industry, lingerie, clubwear, and the like. I am afraid it has not had and does not really have a particularly good track record. It has been recently that the lingerie manufacturers have offered plus size lingerie but to their credit much has changed. On the other hand most vendors do not carry any or many sku's for plus size products. It gets worse in the modeling industry though and by many accounts it is shameful. Plus size models are not really plus size models. Again though is it the chicken or the egg? Many models who are portrayed as plus size models are simply women with large breasts but with bodies that are perhaps a size 10 or 12 but no larger. For the most part they do not really represent the plus size market. Is this because the vendors want it or does the public, including many plus size women demand it?

Could it be our definition of fat is out of sync? Is it outdated or simply not applicable? Or is fat what it always was? Is fat obese? Is fat chubby or a lard ass or simply a fattie? It seems we have a long way to go as there are millions of women and men who may fit into this category and don't you think they deserve some exactitude about their physical condition. Does it matter? I suspect to many of them it matters a great deal!

Take a look at the pictures of beautiful women on the blog post and think about your reaction to them. Are these women 1. just plain drop dead gorgeous or 2. plus size 3.fat or finally 4. obese? Is there a difference between 2, 3 or 4? Some have said that the hottie in the red bra is busty, hot and delicious but what is your response?

Monday, August 8, 2011

Lingerie and Sexy Clothes make me feel Sexy!

I am asked constantly why lingerie is so popular and also why do women seem to always be on the look out for sexy clothing ? The answer is in our title as lingerie and sexy clothes make every woman feel sexy! Women, as well as men to a lesser degree wear clothes that make them feel sexy and by extension look sexy as one begets the other. Looking sexy is a gift given to us by our creator and within limits we should exploit it in the pursuit of looking and feeling our best. Does this mean we tramp it up and look slutty and suggestive? Well, no not really but looking sexy is certainly within reason although if you ask 100 women what constitutes within reason you will likely get multiple answers to the question.

Are women simply looking for attention, seeking fufillment or just wanting to be recognized? All of those and many more as far as I can tell and for the most part they are a sign of a healthy and well adjusted individual. Is it true that it is better to look good than to feel good? Well, not really but we all know that when we feel good, we look good and on and on. Looking good is fundamental to our mental health and wanting to look good is a sign of good mental health. Is wanting to look trashy, trampy and downright outrageous good or bad. Here most would agree that looking good does have its limits. In other words a woman can go too far and cross the line or jump the shark when it comes to looking attractive.

We often see that person who has crossed the line but not as often as one might imagine. When you consider how free everyone in the free world is free to dress or not dress up then you might wonder what keeps everyone in line. After all there are no real fashion police and rarely do people actually express that opinion they may have voiced in private. So what keeps women, in this case from breaking all the rules? In all liklihood the answer is that the rules of society are strongly woven and breaking the societal rule is rarely if ever violated. Society is a strong incentive to stay within the lines and stick to the rules. Since the rules are rarely written down most women rarely get close to the edge.

Women want to look sexy and often do but the truth is they rarely break the rules for fear of being labeled outcasts. Outcasts are after all social deviants who are to be avoided on some if not all levels. So when you look at a woman who is "outside" the norms consider that she is likely not really outside any limits, only superficially scratching the limits. When was the last time you actually saw a woman who was violating the social rules about what to wear? The answer if rarely, if ever and even then the question has to be asked as to how far did she actually go? I submit that the violation is likely a minor infraction, at best. How far did she actually go in violating the societal norms the rest of us follow? Did she wear a hot pink bra with her navy top? Did you actually get a glimpse of her panties? Did you see her bra straps? How about her pants were too tight? Now I know those are pretty serious infractions but all in all very minor deviations from societies norms.

Why is it that there aren't more serious violations? Is it because the rules are the rules and breaking them is considered very violative and damaging to othe rest of us. I mean what if a young boy saw a 19 year old young womans underwear? Would the young boy be damaged beyond repair? What if a 75 year old widower saw a 17 year olds underwear? Would that cause 3 years of therapy? Of course not and you know it. The truth is the damage would be non existant. Sure the lawyers would run ads asking "have you been exposed to the excruciating exposure of a man's underpants"? As a society we all comport ourselves rather well as far as I can tell, don't you agree?

Are young women afraid that if they wear provocative clothing they will be exposed to the threat of having "asked for it" in the event they are raped? Not likely as we all know that you cannot accept and invite the horrible act of rape simply by the choice of what you wear over your body. No woman can ask for being raped although many rapists or wanna be rapists often take a run at it.

Society has a grip and a strong one at that on our behaviour and has placed limits on what we can wear, how we can dress, what we can expose and by and large we all follow the rule. Society makes its statement and we are all, most of us, more than willing to go along for the ride.